There’s a line from a poem by Jessica Katoff that has always resonated deeply with me, especially when I think about the challenges horse riders face:
“My past is an armour I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over.”
When I first read it, my mind immediately went to the arena, the trail, and the quiet moments before a ride. How often do we, as riders, carry the weight of past incidents like an invisible armour – protecting us, perhaps, but also restricting us, slowing us down, and keeping us from truly being present with our horses?
How past experiences shape our rider confidence
Every rider has a story. Maybe it was a sudden fall that left you shaken, a bolt that came out of nowhere, a jump that went wrong, or even just a consistent pattern of criticism that chipped away at your self-belief.
These experiences, often deeply emotional, don’t just fade away when the dust settles. They can become embedded in our minds and bodies, forming a protective layer – an “armour” – that, while born from a need for self-preservation, ultimately hinders our progress and joy in the saddle.
Why we wear “invisible armour” in the saddle
This armour manifests in many ways:
- Physical tension: you might find yourself gripping with your knees, holding your breath, or bracing for the worst, even on a perfectly quiet horse.
- Mental rehearsal: your mind replays the negative incident, anticipating a similar outcome in the present moment, even when circumstances are entirely different.
- Avoidance: you might shy away from certain gaits, obstacles, or even specific areas of the arena where a past incident occurred.
- Self-doubt: every mistake feels magnified, confirming an inner narrative that you’re “not good enough” or “can’t do it.”
The war (the incident itself) might be over, but for our brains, the protective protocols are still very much active. We cling to this armour because, on some level, it feels safer than being vulnerable to another painful experience. But ironically, this constant state of guardedness often makes us less effective, less fluid, and less confident riders.
Steps toward shedding the armour and overcoming riding fear
So, how do we begin to shed this invisible armour? It’s not about pretending the past didn’t happen, but about acknowledging its influence and consciously choosing to step beyond its confines. It’s a process that requires patience, self-compassion, and often, small, consistent steps.
- Acknowledge and validate: the first step is to recognise that the armour exists and to validate your feelings. It’s okay to feel fear, anxiety, or frustration. Don’t judge yourself for them; they are natural responses to past threats.
- Focus on the present: remind yourself that this horse, this moment, is unique. If you are on the same horse, focus on this ride, not that ride). Practice mindfulness: focus on the feel of the saddle, the rhythm of your horse’s hooves, and the sounds around you.
- Set micro-goals: instead of aiming to instantly “get over it,” set tiny, achievable goals. Maybe it’s just maintaining a relaxed walk for a few minutes, or a single good transition. Each small success is a tiny buckle unfastened from your armour.
- Rebuild from the ground up: spending time with your horse on the ground – grooming, leading, or groundwork exercises – can help rebuild trust and connection without the added pressure of being in the saddle.
- Seek supportive guidance: a good coach won’t just tell you to “get over it.” They will help you build confidence incrementally. Sometimes, a sports psychologist can provide invaluable tools for managing deep-seated fear.
- Visualisation and mental rehearsal: before you even get on, spend time visualising a successful, calm ride. Imagine yourself feeling confident, balanced, and in harmony with your horse.
From armour to agility: embracing your progress
The aim isn’t to be utterly fearless, but to be smartly brave. We don’t discard the lessons of the past; we refine them. That heavy, rigid armour can be stripped down and reforged into a light, responsive, and adaptable layer. This new layer isn’t about protection from fear, but about strength derived from what you’ve survived and learned – from the good rides and the bad ones. This empowers you to move with flow, respond to your horse with clear intent, and fully embrace the present moment.
Your past experiences have shaped you, but they don’t have to define your future in the saddle. The war is over. It’s time to start shedding the armour, one piece of hard-won wisdom at a time.
Continuing your journey
Understanding our “armour” is a huge part of navigating the equestrian rollercoaster. When we realise that our progress isn’t a straight line, it becomes easier to forgive ourselves for the days when the armour feels a little heavier. If you’re struggling to stay in the present moment because of past fears, you may also find it helpful to explore how horses can be our masters in mindfulness, teaching us to let go of “what was” and focus on “what is.”
Is your “invisible armour” holding you back? We all carry a history into the saddle, but you don’t have to carry it alone. If you’re ready to rebuild your confidence and rediscover the joy of riding without the weight of the past, let’s work together. I offer a supportive, non-judgmental space to help you find your brave again.Get in touch to discuss coaching